3 Fundamentals of self -esteem
We all know how important it is to have self -esteem. But what to do if other installations absorbed from childhood? If the parents inspired that the most important thing is to please others and achieve their location? Blogger Sergei Ivanov tells what principles will help an adult learn self -esteem.
You must respect yourself. Amazing! The only question is how. Start on Monday or from the New Year – an empty shocking air. How to start doing something that I did not and do not know what it is? This advice is an empty phrase if there are no specifics. It’s good if you have seen an example from childhood or you have brought you up in the spirit of self -respect of yourself and others. It often happens differently. I was raised under the slogan “Justify other people’s expectations”. The most common phrase, what I heard, was “let me be worse”. She meant “I will do what others say to the detriment of myself”.
When I realized that normal life begins with self -esteem, I had to study this from the beginning. I searched for support points and took the first uncertain steps, as a result I identified three basics of self -esteem.
1.Adequate self -esteem
The attitude to oneself as a victim of circumstances, the desire to please others, to justify other people’s expectations, fear of condemnation and generally dependence on external assessments is inadequate and biased self -esteem. The formula “I and my self -esteem” includes an external variable.
“Equally meet success and reproach, not forgetting that their voice is lying,” wrote Redyard Kipling in the poem “Commandment”. I repeated this phrase when I perceived someone else’s assessment too close to my heart. To feel the first point of the support, you need to take three steps.
The first step is the approval of oneself simply on the fact of existence
The vast majority of children from whom the insecure adults grew up were raised, relying on the most good intentions. But these principles of education included initially false messages. As a child, the most terrible curse was to hear that they would not love you. To be good, to be accepted in the team, you need to do the right things. As a result, the installation was opposed: “You are initially bad, but when you live up to someone’s expectations, then you may become good”. Rave?
So childishly argues the subconscious, https://globalpharmacy24.com/drug/cenforce-professional the internal program works, which was loaded in those days when we could not reason and think critically.
This program was registered very deeply. Even having matured, we unconsciously proceed from these old naive beliefs. Only by pulling these algorithms out, you can see all their absurdity and insolvency. But while they are in the depths of the unconscious – they are sharks, dumbfounding in search of a victim. Yes, they thought for protection and help, but over time turned into monsters.
It’s time to remove them, replacing them with new useful attitudes:
- I am, it means already good.
- I approve of myself, and the point, without conditions.
- I am good on my own, they created me like that.
The second step is to accept yourself
Approving yourself on the fact of existence means to accept yourself without conditions. In the old advertising of soda there was a set of plots on the topic “If I were like him, it would be cool”. After which the pictures followed how all the ideas of themselves in the place of another invariably turned away comically and burst like a soap bubble. There is nothing better than being yourself.
Be yourself and accept yourself with the pros and cons (perhaps you perceive some of your qualities). Each person, including you, has advantages, strengths, exceptional qualities. Do not believe, ask friends and loved ones, be surprised how much good and unique they see in you.
The book of the Soviet psychologist Alexander Luria “The Little Book of the Great Memory” tells about a person with a phenomenal memory. So, this amazing hero with unlimited mnemonic capabilities believed that everyone had it, he was no different from others. And with you the same story is what you consider to be a banality, perhaps a unique quality.
Cons is not disadvantages, this is the front of work. The path to success, development is a negative feedback. It can and should be perceived with gratitude. Imagine that you stopped feeling cold, heat, pain. You can sit on a bonfire or freeze to death without even noticing it, because there is no reverse negative connection. This resembles an elk from a joke, which comes to a stream of water from a hangover. The hunter shoots at him, and the elk feels so badly that he does not notice injuries and thinks: “What is it? I drink, I drink, but I’m worse and worse “.
The very disadvantages are a direction for work. Start asking yourself questions: what can I do to do it better? This applies to everything: work, communication with loved ones, relations with a partner. When you understand how to improve, start doing it. Over time you have no minuses, there will only be growth and development. You will begin to perceive yourself as an “opportunity, all-and-so”.
The third step is to give yourself the right to error
“I have no right to do this,” a little perfectionist kept me. Over time, he turned from a bore into an executioner. This attitude is a product of false installations. It’s hello from childhood, we taught ourselves to be afraid to make a mistake. Once they were not afraid of anything, got up and fell, until they learned to walk, run and perform other pirouettes. Fear of error is an alloy, vaccinated from the outside. Like varnish, he covers all our beautiful texture. This is another example of how good intentions lead to opposite results. An error is normal, it is a feedback necessary for growth.
Successful people perceive mistakes differently. “I just found 10,000 ways that do not work,” Thomas Edison said about his failures. This is an experience that enriches life. Take the new installation: “I have the right to make a mistake. So I study and become more effective, wiser “.
2.Knowledge and feeling of one’s own competence
“Who knows that you are in love? Only you are alone. You feel it with all your skin ”(from the film“ Matrix ”).
A sense of own competence is not a public recognition, but internal knowledge. You just know that you are the best, and it does not matter what.
In childhood, I knew that no one was better than me on the waves. On the beach was the champion in Bodierfing, which he himself opened, no one knew whether there was such a (there was no Internet at that time, the TV broadcast only two channels). There were no competitions in the fictitious sport, I just knew that I had no equal. You may have a branded pilaf recipe or pies. No one in the family is better preparing pizza, embroiders, controls the staff? When I worked as a student in the United States, I considered myself the best dishwasher, the feeling of my competence overwhelmed. I walked with a proudly raised head.
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